As I set my goals and aspirations for 2013, one that made the top of my list and seems to be frustratingly hard to measure in success was my desire to cultivate my ability to speak my truth. Not that I'm mute by any means (as any of you who know me would know) but it is frequently a challenge for me to express myself in certain social situations and the more I explore into my own tendencies the more I see this behavioral pattern rearing it's head. As a way to avoid being unkind or instigating a confrontation, I'll often bite my tongue despite knowing I've been treated unfairly. I'm one of those crazy criers when my feelings have been hurt so that's never a fun scene to act out, and when interacting with people that have differing opinions from my own, I'll refrain from sharing mine. Somewhere along the process of human conditioning, I managed to become convinced that sharing one's personal beliefs is synonymous with preaching them, but the more I interact with the interesting people that are open with their thoughts and beliefs that may or may not coincide with mine, the more I see the value in our differences as well as our similarities. If we do not share them with others, then they cannot be learned from. And so, I take one of many steps (hopefully) towards expressing my truth by creating a blog, and what better topic to start with then the one that led me to begin.
"The story of you gives the life of me personal power."
-Inga Muscio, Author of Cunt
Why is it so important that we express ourselves? That we speak and behave authentically? That we share that which we are most proud of and what we've learned and what we fear and what we do or don't know or believe in? It's easy to understand the importance of knowing these things on a personal level, but why is it so dang important that we share these things with other people?
1. It can be an opportunity for learning. When we open up a conversation about anything even something scientifically proven we still are sharing our beliefs. We believe in the scientific process. We believe the experts that have relayed the information or we believe our own eyes when we replicate the results. Or perhaps we don't believe them at all. But every interaction teaches us about the world around us, about our culture, about our own level of diversity or solidarity and the more we share and listen the more we learn, the more we understand and when we withhold or modify our true feelings or beliefs we deny those around us the ability to accurately learn from our differences or similarities. This is all of course dependant on us letting go of our "I'm right, You're wrong" mentality. It is an incredible challenge to let go of the judgements that fly to mind when someone contradicts what you feel very strongly about, but that person is the sum total of their biology and experiences (and maybe a little extra unexplainable something?) as are you and I and who are we judge and label someone because they were allotted a different set of circumstances.
2. Honest self expression develops intimacy. Here we are human beings seeking happiness and connection is such a powerful means to attaining happiness that we often construe it as the lone road to our goal. Intimacy is built upon honesty. Connection is built upon honesty But honesty is not enough, we must share ourselves and receive each other, we must come to know and understand. We must place the truth of who we are and what we really think into the hands of another human being and then hold our breath and hope they don't jerk away and drop it like it's excrement but instead hold it close like an cuddly puppy nuzzling in for warmth. To be truly seen and understood and valued all the more because of it, that is intimacy.
3. Shame and oppression thrive on our silence. It is a common tool among tyrants to limit those under their rule's ability to speak out. Through the many waves of equality fought for it all began with a voice. It began with the radical voices crying out and refusing to be silenced. And once those radical voices fell on the ears of those who felt the truth of those words and experiences beating in their own hearts, they let their own roar rise to join them and suddenly what was once an outrageous cry against tradition became a little less radical and little more credible. The same goes for us on a personal level as we cope with the shame of that which we fear only we do or deal with. As we cope with the challenges that arise from every walk of life, from every hidden folly, from every stitch of error or self doubt that has been sown into our self perception or from the straight spine that had been stiffened with pride and will no longer bend or bow, as we rile against who we've been and who we have become and try to bury that which appears to be too messy or too real under the garments that have seen just the right amount of dirt and wear in hopes that no one will sift through our laundry and find that which is yet to be washed away or may never be wiped clean. We squirm and writhe and sacrifice to keep them hidden but once they are revealed someone, somewhere will have the response, "I know." "I understand." "I love you still." or "Me, too."
And so it is for this reason that I personally seek to speak more clearly, more often, in new ways, and more honestly. I seek to share what I know and what I think not because I think that I'll believe this way in ten years, but because I hope that in this expression my current truth will set me free and others as well. I hope that the expression of my story and thoughts are empowering, even if only to me.
Peace out, kiddies!
~Anika
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